September 12, 2009

Safety first!

I think it’s pretty clear at this point that we, as a society, are insane. But this article in today’s Times made me even more sure.

The chances of your kid being abducted by some stranger are tiny. There were 115 such abductions last year, and given that the population of children under 18 is 74 million (at least according to the census bureau), the chances in any given year of your kid being abducted are…wait for it… 1 in 640,000. If that’s your #1 concern, it might be time to throw your retirement savings into lottery tickets.

Actually, that was hyperbole. Playing lotto is even more idiotic, as the chances of winning are infinitesimally small.

To put it in better perspective, stranger abduction is just a tiny bit more likely than being struck by lightning (1 in 700,000).

What’s next? Locking kids into lightning-proof boxes? Dressing them up in an Ursus Mark VIII? Hell, I see lots of kids out riding bikes with their parents without even wearing helmets – and those same kids probably aren’t allowed to walk 2 blocks unescorted. Absolute insanity!

Of course, I haven’t even mentioned the detrimental effects of not letting your kids get regular exercise, learn to navigate on their own, and feel independent. Because we all know that stuff is overrated. Who cares if you’re fat and helpless at 25, as long as you’ve avoided the minute danger of being abducted!

Grumble. People are so stupid it makes me angry sometimes. Also, it’s raining, so I’m grumpy this morning.